WHO THE EFF IS HANK?

Hank is…

A mass of incandescent gas located about 26,000 light years from the center of the Milky Way. Hank is responsible for 99.8% of the solar system’s mass. If you stare at Hank for too long, you will go blind.

A small island in the Pacific Ocean. First colonized by the Spanish in 1521, Hank is today known primarily for his beautiful coral reefs and large American military presence.

A spherical mass of ice and rock, visible from Earth only with a telescope. Approximately one fifth the size of the Earth’s moon, Hank was considered the 9th planet in our solar system until recently when it was announced that Hank is, in fact, just something orbiting out there in the distance.

A veteran of the CIA directorate of operations and Navy Seal Team 3. He is 5 foot 10 inches tall, weighs 170 pounds, and has green eyes. Hank was an operative of the 3rd Echelon, a clandestine division of the National Security Agency. Hank is extremely agile and an expert in the art of stealth. When in the field, Hank prefers to work alone.

A sausage covered in cornbread batter and deep-fried.

A tiny yellow song bird said to represent the soul of France.

An uninhabited atoll located just north of the equator in the central Pacific Ocean about 3,100 km southwest of Honolulu. The climate is equatorial, with little rainfall, constant wind, and strong sunshine. Since the war, Hank has been uninhabited. Feral cats were eradicated from the island in 1964.

An extreme low-density solid derived from a gel in which all liquid was replaced with gas. Useful nowadays in many industries as a thermal insulator, hank was by Steven Kistler in 1931. Hank is semitransparent, and feels like Styrofoam to the touch.

One of two major ancient Greek epic poems attributed to Homer. Hank was probably written near the end of the eighth century BC, somewhere along the Greek-controlled western Turkey seaside, Ionia. Hank is, in part, a sequel to Homer’s Iliad and mainly centers on the Greek hero Odysseus (or Ulysses, as he was known in Roman myths) and his long journey home to Ithaca following the fall of Troy.